I am tired, to be honest. Of waiting. Of living this day-to-day, these motions I know by heart, while the future looms black with uncertainty. I am afraid I will spend my whole life waiting this way, wondering when I'm supposed to move, and where, and how.
You promised, Daddy. You promised that wherever I went, Your voice would follow after me, saying this is My way; walk in it. But I do not know where to go. I am praying and listening hard, and I think I am not doing a very good job of it because I am all twisted up in confusion and uncertainty and fear. God, I do not know where to go. I only feel that if I do not move soon, I will sink.
I want to get away from the noise. These constant distractions, yelling in my eyes and ears, the responsibilities that nettle my brain with persistent cries of something more to do, something more to do, and all I want is some peace. That quiet place, where my thoughts can rest. Where there is nothing more to think about, at least for a time.
I know the answer. I have always been good at knowing the right answer. I know that I should rest in You, because You are the most trustworthy of all, and You are here with me, even now. But how do I get there, God, how do I rest? Teach me how to rest. Teach me how to wait, just a little bit longer. I am sorry I am so selfish. Won't You fill me up with You?
I wish my words were enough to bleed out the feelings. But when they fail, I know You do not. Abba, I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!