Confession: I'm not very good at this.
And when I say "this," what I'm referring to is life.
I blame it on my people-pleasing nature, the intense fear I have of screwing up. So many expectations thrusting me up much higher than I ever cared to go, and now that I stand on this precarious tower, feeling the brittle boards beneath me bend, I am absolutely certain I am going to fall.
(Sorry, I have a tendency to slip into metaphor when things get too personal.)
What I'm trying to say is, my pride has spent a lot of time crafting an image of myself as someone who "has it all together" (I still haven't figured out what that means), and thus my pride is rather unhappy with the idea of that image being toppled, revealing that in actuality I am a messed-up person with major issues and insecurities who has no clue what the heck she's doing.
This being said, I'm almost positive that I am on the verge of the most massive, epic fail of my life.
I don't know what it is yet. What I do know is that God must be getting pretty sick and tired of my pride, and my fear. I know I am. I also know that as I slug through these days of change and uncertainty, I'm beginning to realize (again) how truly helpless I am. Which, I've heard, tends to open the door for God to move in a powerful way.
Yes. It's painful, and will continue to be painful, having my weakness on display for the world to see. But it is through my weakness that His strength will be revealed. And this, thank God, has always been about Him.
And when I say "this," what I'm referring to is life.
I'll let you in on a little secret. Your feelings are not unique. Many of us have felt, or still feel, the same way.
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