Let me let you in on a little secret: I don't have this figured out.
There are some things I believe as much as breathing. There are some things I am learning to believe. And there are some things I don't know if I believe at all.
It is important to me that the things I believe are true. Because we base our lives upon what we believe. I know what it's like to live in lies, and I know what it's like to experience truth; I very much prefer the latter. But sometimes, it's hard to sort out which is which. Life is complicated that way.
It gives me comfort that we don't have to know everything, that "Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known," (1 Corinthians 13:12). Yes, it can be difficult, because I am a person who likes to know all the right answers. Still, it's a freedom, knowing it's okay if I don't have them. Knowing it's okay to fall deep down into the mystery.
We may not have all the answers, but we have the ones that matter--I can feel it in the faith that settles thick in my gut, the knowledge that the world says is not knowledge at all, and it is impossible to explain. These words are too small to explain.
Just like. I cannot explain why my heart is so heavy. But I think it is for you.