From the Belly of Hell Cried I.

I want to spew out curses honest as Peter's betrayal - overflow of this black-burnt heart spat through unclean lips - four-letter nails cutting holy flesh. Screaming

this body You gave,

why, oh Potter?

Screaming hatred at the malformed clay that cages my soul - screaming hatred at me - screaming hatred at You. Screaming

how long, how long, how long

I want to (oh God, I don't want to)

wallow in

my infantile selfishness,

my petulant greed,

my suffocating shame

my

I want to (oh God, I don't want to)

close my eyes against the tides

that always 

pull me back 

to the starting line

and (let me (please don't let me))

drown.

I had a dream

I spent everything I had, kicking out against thick waters. So close

to safety, my fingers clutching the dock's splintered edge. But

my arms were far too weak to carry my own weight. And

a creature, dark and hungry, was swimming up from the depths.

...

[Epilogue]
? ? later

When the morning came,

it came with sunlight

weeping mercy.

Looking [Through the] Glass.

The rooms of our hearts are filled with mirrors. Every experience, past, present, and potential, held up to those walls of reflection--our faces, our emotions, our thoughts, staring back at us. We weigh, we analyze, we calculate, the impact of the world on us. Plotting out a thousand maps to determine the most convenient highway to happiness. Our choices driven by the question, How will this affect me?

But the rooms are dark, the mirrors distorted. Deceitful above all things. And there is a Man, who stands at the door and knocks. We are afraid to let Him in, because there is a sledgehammer in His hand. He wants to shatter the mirrors and replace them with windows. He wants to fill our rooms with light.

So that, instead of looking into and seeing ourselves, we will look through and see the world. We will no longer ask How will the world affect me?, but How can I affect the world? 

We will forget about ourselves, and in doing so, we will finally be able to see what He sees--all those broken and beautiful hearts strewn like wildflowers, torn from their roots and dying in the sun.

It will be inevitable, what happens next. We will fall in love. We will gather, and we will plant. Together with Him, we will restore the Garden that was lost. We won't wonder about happiness; we'll have already found it.