Mathematical Approaches.

Our God is a God of multiplication. He takes the smallest, most humble of offerings--a few fishes and loaves, two coins sacrificed by a poor widow, faith the size of a mustard seed, a hodgepodge band of zealous disciples, a newborn baby tucked away in a manger--He takes things that the world would deem insignificant and multiplies them in impossibly huge and beautiful ways.

Don't you dare believe that what you have to offer is too small for God to multiply. Don't you ever flatter yourself into believing that your weakness could ever be greater than His strength. Would it sound more legit coming from the Bible? Well, here you go then:

"Think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of the world and the despised things--and the things that are not--to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him." -1 Corinthians 1:26-29  

Satan, however, is focused not on multiplication, but on division. Dividing the Church through denomination, and political parties, and race, and age, and gender, and preferences in music, and minute disagreements on points of theology, and carpet color, and a thousand other instigations that keep us fighting among ourselves instead of coming together as a single Body and fighting for the Kingdom of God.

It's time, kids. To give our Father our undivided hearts, our undivided minds, our undivided attention. That's all it takes. The multiplication is up to Him.

(This Love Song is For You.)

I think if we paid more attention to the little things, we'd learn God speaks in whispers.

Sure, sometimes He wakes us up with a thunderbolt, but more often, He's teaching us to listen. He's teaching us we will only find Him if we seek Him. He's teaching us to love.

Pursuit, fueled by desire, is the heartbeat of love. It is in being pursued that we are assured of being loved. And it is in pursuing that our loving is manifested.

It is a terrible tragedy, that we are so easily distracted from the greatest Romance the universe has ever known, the Romance after which all others are mere shades--poor, distorted copies reflected in dirt-smeared brass.

God's whispers are both indications of His pursuit and invitations to spark our own. Maps to guide us to the most beautiful of treasures. Clues to lead us deeper into the heart of mystery. Love-notes to bring us into the inner chamber.

So listen up. Nothing is too small to speak.

Peace Out.

I get tired of thoughts, sometimes. Constantly racing through my brain, entangling themselves into a horrible mess, screaming at me while I take the tweezers and try to sort through, piece by piece.

And the thoughts are never alone. They come attached to waves of emotion that roll over me with less predictability than the tide, impair my vision, the thought that was clutched tightly in my hand swept away in an instant, I search for hours but cannot find it again.

I spoke to a friend last night over the phone. She said that she ultimately knows a decision is the right one because she has peace about it.

To me, peace is the quieting down of the thoughts and emotions. It is a place of wholeness and rest. Where we simply be, completely in the present, with no past or future in sight. It is the moment of stillness when we know that God is God.

Peace is a promise for us. All that is required is that we turn our eyes to Him. Everything else will evaporate in an instant.

Let's Not Play Pretend.

I have come to realize that every sin is ultimately based upon a lie. There is a reason Satan is called the Deceiver, the Father of Lies. Because of this revelation, I shifted telling the truth towards the top of my priority list.

So I was devastated when it was recently brought to my attention how deeply and continuously I lie, every single day.

There are two kinds of lies we tell: lies we tell others and lies we tell ourselves (since my contemplations on each of these could fill up volumes, I'll stick to an exploration of the former in this entry, and return to the latter at a later date).

Now, the lies we tell others can be further subdivided into conscious and subconscious lies.

Rarely will I make a conscious decision to tell an outright lie to someone. But subconscious lies are my specialty. I don't even think about it; I put on the mask, put up my defenses. Pretend everything is okay when it's not. Use sarcasm to joke about something I don't think is funny at all. Shrug my shoulders, lighten my voice, act like it's no big deal.

I know exactly why this happens. It comes from a lack of trust. Because I'm afraid if people saw the innermost depths of who I am, they would not, could not, love me.

I don't have any answers for this. The easy answer would be to say that God knows every single detail of who I am, and loves me more than the people who only know the pieces, so I should have nothing to fear and be completely comfortable in who I am. Which is true.

But it doesn't solve the problem. Because God made His people a body for a reason. He wants us to be one. He wants us to embody His love. If we can't be honest with each other, real with each other, and if we can't cultivate an environment where this is possible by loving people for who they are, even at their most ugly and broken--we're living a lie while trying to preach the truth.

And a kingdom divided against itself cannot stand. 

Dear God,

Here I am. Poised on the brink, caught like a photograph in between motions. Waiting. Ears strained in the silence, every noise I try to interpret, translate into a logic I can follow. Listening.

I have never been any good at making decisions. I have never been any good at confidence.

You said I would hear Your voice and know. Help me to trust that. I don't want to move unless Your hand is guiding me. Just enough light to make the next step, that is all I am asking. I'm not ready for the rest of the journey yet. If You showed it to me, I would realize it is a mountain too big for me to climb. But one step I can handle, as long as Your hand is in mine.

This is me, giving You control (again), the only way I know how.

So there You go. I have smacked the ball over the net and thrown my racket down. Maybe the worry will come again, but it is not here now. You always arrive just in time.

What I Am Learning.

The world is rooted not in opposites, but in paradoxes.

Lesson #1: Every ending is also a beginning.

Do not think of your dreams as destinations. Because if it is a destination, one day you might reach it. And the day you reach your destination is the day you stop living. Instead, think of dreams as stepping-stones crossing an eternal river. If you manage to reach one, search for the next. If you fall into the river, don't worry. Sometimes the most beautiful crossings are found this way.

Do not think of your dreams as destinations. Because if you think of it as a destination, you will miss the journey  that will lead you there. You will lose the names of what you fought for; all you will remember is Point A, B, C. But life is a blank page, not connect-the-dots. Dig out the crayons or pastels or acrylic paint, and let the colors bleed.

The world is a sphere. There is always a new horizon.