Awake, Oh Sleeper.

God has so much more to offer than what we have been satisfied with.

God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. So tell me, where is He? Where is the God of the Bible, the God I've read about all these years? The God who parts seas and rains bread from heaven and raises the dead back to life? The God who causes His people to speak in tongues they have never heard, who gives them visions of the throne room of Heaven? Where is the God whose mere Presence causes people to fall flat on their face and cry out, Woe is me, for I am a person of unclean lips!?

Jesus said, "If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!" (Luke 11:13).

That has been my prayer of late. God, show us how much more! Show us how much more you will give Your Spirit to those who ask!

The key being: we have to ask. We have to get hungry. We have to get thirsty. We have to get desperate. We have to start seeking with all we have.

If you want more of God: ask. If you want to want more of God: ask. And if you don't receive an answer?  Plead. Beg. Don't give up; press in. His promise was for those who seek Him with everything.

If you truly desire to find Him, He's your only option. Not books, not sermons, not songs. Not good deeds or spiritual words. Just God. He is the only one who can stir up a holy hunger in our hearts. He alone can save us from this sleep.

Dear God,

Less of me, more of You.

Release me from the selfishness that paints me at the center of a broken and lonely universe. I must have more than these petty dreams of self-contentment, self-assurance, self-control, these insubstantial cardboard cut-outs blown over by the wind's softest sigh.

Pull my self out of the realm of my consciousness; fade me into insignificance. Remove my shifting eyes, my stuttering tongue, my trembling hands, my fickle heart, and fill those hollows up with You. Fill to the brim, fill to overflowing. Drench every part, sweet Holy Spirit, the deepest recesses of my being. Wash me, mold me, make me new.

This is not about me. Your plans are so much bigger than that. So much more grand, and beautiful. It is only Your grace, Your marvelous, marvelous grace, that has chosen me to be a thread in this tapestry. And what a masterpiece it is! I look outward, I look upward, into the swirl of color, into the way every strand works together, these atoms of the universe sewn seamlessly as one. When my eyes behold such glory, my self is forgotten, and I have never felt so well.

Keep my eyes fixed, Daddy. Keep my heart enraptured. Only You can save me. Only You can satisfy.

If You Do Not Give Up.

So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob's hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. Then the man said, "Let me go, for it is daybreak." 

But Jacob replied, "I will not let you go until you bless me."

The man asked him, "What is your name?"

"Jacob ['he deceives']," he answered.

Then the man said, "Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel ["he struggles with God"], because you have struggled with God and with men and have overcome."*

It's time to grab God in a choke-hold and refuse to let go. To cling through the hours of darkness, though our hips be wrenched from our sockets, until the tentative wisps of dawn lighten the horizon. To declare, We will not let You go until You bless us. To be given a new name, a new identity--one not of shame, but of victory.

Then he blessed him there.

God will show up. It is a promise to those who seek Him with everything. It is a promise to those who never give up, regardless of the tests and taunts and trials, regardless of how distant God seems. It is a promise to those who choose to believe God even when the evidence of their eyes seems stacked against Him, who believe in the power of an invisible Spirit over a visible mountain.

So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying, "It is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared." 

The sun rose above him as he passed Peniel, and he was limping because of his hip.

God will come. He will mess us up. After we encounter Him face to face, our walk will never be the same.

*All italics quoted from Genesis 32:24-31.

Following the Leader.

I've always been a good follower. When I was little, I followed my big brother in all our epic adventures, chasing lizards in the deserts of Southern California and digging for buried treasure on the beaches of its coast. After we moved to Georgia, I followed my best friend, sticking by her side through every church service and mission trip through high school. In college, I followed my roommates, on trips to museums in Atlanta, on spontaneous coffee breaks, picnics, and kite-flying expeditions.

I like when I don't have to make decisions. I like allowing others to initiate. I like having someone tell me what to do. I love being the helper, the sidekick. I'll throw in everything--my enthusiasm, my passion, my love. But please, do not put me in a leadership position.

...Because if anything goes wrong, I don't want to be the one to take the blame.

Which is why, when God brought me into a season in which I had no one to follow (apart from, obviously, Him), I was terrified. He began to declare things over me, like courage, and boldness. He brought dear brothers and sisters into my life and told me to pray impossible prayers for them, to speak the promises He had given me to them, to love them as He loved. He called me to walk through every door He opened, regardless of the churning waters that lurked on the other side.

And as He swings those doors wide, I've never before been so desperate to see His face. Because I've realized, with great suddenness and certainty, my own weakness, and I know with equal conviction that the anointing He has placed over my life can only be accomplished by His power. He's got me right where He wants me: in desperate need of Him, every step of the way.

We talk about being leaders in the Church--in our communities, in our nation, in our world. And God has called us to it; we are sons and daughters of the King, and He has given us all authority by His Spirit to be His hands and feet and voice to a dry and weary generation. But what we so often forget is that the most essential characteristic of leading others is to follow. Because really, there's only one Leader. And when we choose to follow Him, our hearts spilling over with obedience and love by His Spirit's power, He will take us by the hand and lead us to places of wonder. Our brothers and sisters will see, and yearn, and seek, and their hearts will meet us there.

Only One.

"For we were all baptized by one Spirit into one body--whether Jews or Greeks, slave or free--and we were all given the one Spirit to drink." (1 Corinthians 12:13) 

"There is one body and one Spirit--just as you were called to one hope when you were called--one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all, and in all." (Ephesians 4:4-5)

Newsflash: Denominations were a human invention. You'll find no mention of them in the Bible. Jesus prayed that "all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity," (John 17:21, 23). But most days in contemporary times, we no longer identify ourselves with Christ; we label ourselves as Baptist, or Pentecostal, or Catholic, and go our separate ways. We've turned our beliefs into immovable ideologies that we can force-feed our children and our children's children. We are pridefully certain our denomination is the true way, and we immediately dismiss anyone who would dare to hold a different opinion.

Are we really so arrogant? Would we really presume to know everything there is to know about God? Would we really refuse to acknowledge that there may be a margin of error in some of our interpretations of Scripture? Or are we so obsessed with being right, we block out the words from our brothers and sisters that may very well lead us into a deeper revelation of God? Even Paul admitted in 1 Corinthians 13:12, "Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror." And yet, in the modern-day Church, each faction is certain they have all the correct answers.

We talk about how we are all members of one Body, but we forget that the Church is so much more than the local building where we meet with a few of our brothers and sisters on Sundays. The Church is made up of every believer, from every city, state, and nation on the planet. And with technology today, there has never been a better opportunity for the Church to be unified--to learn together, grow together, build each other up.

The various denominations have so much to offer each other (I know from experience, because I've been adopted into several). If we would only open our ears and our hearts to listen. If we would only stop making assumptions and looking down on our brothers and sisters because of the church they go to. If we would only honor each other above ourselves, as we were called to do. If only we would stop worrying about winning arguments, and start seeking Truth.

Our Body would be whole. The Spirit would fill our lungs with breath. We would be unstoppable.

Jealous for Me.

He is a jealous God. It's a phrase I've heard often enough within the Church, usually followed by hurried explanations regarding the difference between human jealousy and divine jealousy, a swiftly-constructed barricade against any thought that our Creator's jealous nature might in some way mirror our own version of jealousy--petty, selfish, and insecure.

Still, in spite of the explanations, God's jealousy was never my favorite attribute to dwell on. It didn't bring the comforting warmth that came with considerations of His beauty and love and grace, or even the solid pulse of justice that arose from thoughts of His righteous anger.

But then (I'm learning my stories are full of buts). God gave me a revelation.

Yes, I am a jealous God. I am too jealous for you to let anything come between us. Nothing can stand in My way. As I have already spoken: Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation.

And I suddenly felt so safe. He is jealous for me. He's not going to give up, though my fickle heart falls for false lovers and frail idols. He won't allow me to live with a divided, broken heart. He'll never relent, until He has it all. My complete attention, my whole heart, wrapped in His perfect embrace. It will be the most beautiful of days. It will be the day when all is set right.

Desperate Times.

Lately, I feel as if I have been tiptoeing, arms outstretched, along the brink of overwhelming. It is beautiful, and it is terrifying. And it is teaching me:

God wants us to be in a constant state of desperation. Not in a panicky, fear-driven sense of the word. Rather, it is the desperation of Moses when he pleaded, If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here (Exodus 33:15). It is the desperation of David as he sang, My soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water, and begged, Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me (Psalm 63:1, 51:11). It is the desperation of Peter, who cried out Lord, save me!, and the desperation of a broken-hearted father who exclaimed, I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief! (Mark 9:24).

It is the desperation of those who are aware of their own weakness, their utter lack of control, their absolute need. But it is also a desperation that knows there is an answer, a solution, a victory, in the arms of One who is greater--and pursues that answer with everything.

Regardless of the depths of our passion or the height of our intellect, we cannot create a movement of God. In fact, on our own, we cannot even sustain a movement of God. If God's Spirit is absent, no amount of worship music, no amount of quotes from Scripture, no amount of acts of service, can open up the doorways for souls to hear from Him. When God's Spirit is absent, the best we can manage is a wave of emotion, followed by a burnout.

But. Jesus looks at us and says: With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible (Matthew 19:26).

It's time for us to get desperate. God is moving. He is calling us out, calling us up. He is leading us into the realm of the impossible. Only--don't run ahead of Him. Don't disconnect yourself from the vine. Don't fall into the delusion that you can do this on your own. Because you can't. None of us can. Stay desperate. Stay dependent. Stay focused on the light of His eyes, and the feel of His hand in yours. And in your time of weakness, He'll be all the strength you need.

It Really Is You.

Last night, our weekly meeting of Jesus-lovin' young-adults centered around the story of Peter walking to Jesus on the water. It's one I've heard so many times, I have a tendency to think I know all there is to know about it.

But, as usual, God proved me wrong.

Other than the message relating directly to the Holy Spirit's movement in this present time, mirroring the words of many of my prayers lately, and using the word "bold" about five thousand times (for the significance of that last one, see my "Ninja in the Night" entry)--there was one other thing that struck me as we discussed the passage in Matthew 14. It was verse 29.

Jesus said, "Come."

When Peter asked to join Jesus on the water, Jesus didn't say, "Hang on. Not yet, Peter. Your faith isn't quite ready for that. Maybe in a few months or so, we'll test you on a puddle or something." He didn't say, "Wait a minute, Peter. Let me get over there so I can hold your hand." No. Despite the fact that Jesus knew Peter was going to take his eyes off Him and start to sink, He welcomed Peter's desire, his boldness. So Jesus said, "Come."

God is waiting for His kids to ask for greater things. He's waiting for the ones who want to be right next to Him, regardless of the oceans they must cross and the crosses they must carry. He's waiting to hear those words: Lord, if it really is You, then command me to come to You.

He won't hesitate. Not for a second. He'll simply smile, and say, Come.