After the Fall.

Confession: I've been prideful. I used to think to myself, I'll never become one of those jaded, miserable people who go on about how their college years were the best of their life, and how everything else afterward is all downhill, and on and on and on.

In the four months that have passed since graduation, it is alarming how quickly I became that person.

Working hard, being friendly, talking to God, and doing my best to look for the good in everything had gotten me through life fairly smoothly until that point; I guess, deep down in that piece of my subconscious that is still as naive as a newborn babe, I imagined that if I simply continued doing all the "right" things, my future would be handed to me on a silver platter. After all, I was willing to put in the effort, and I had God on my side, right?

Problem is, that piece of my subconscious neglected to remember that God is far more concerned with my ultimate good than He is with my immediate happiness. And that ultimate good means dealing with my pride, along with a host of other issues that have latched onto my heart and sap my spirit, issues that have been developing for years, stitching themselves into the fabric of my being. As can be imagined, the process of their removal is inevitably a painful one.

But as much as this sucks, I have been learning. And though God has remained silent through much of it, I know that He has been with me, and will not leave me. With each day that passes, more of my self-confidence drains away, granting me the opportunity to place my confidence in Him.

I haven't given up. I still refuse to believe my best years are behind me, even on the days when my sarcasm emerges and my words say otherwise. Whatever the struggles ahead, I will continue to look for the beautiful. There is a purpose for every season. These things, I pray I will always be naive enough to believe.