Dear God,

Where do I go from here?

I know the pieces are taking shape, each experience a new stroke in this collage that is my life. But I only see the jagged edges, sharp contours that I cannot make fit together. So many beautiful patches, I try to stitch them into wholeness, but they keep slipping through the cracks. Somehow, I did not realize this would be so messy.

Why don't I know how to trust?

Spokes streaming out from the center of me, they go in every direction. Any step will mean to sacrifice a thousand others. I am afraid to move. I am afraid that my choice will be the wrong one. I am afraid that I will stand here forever.

What am I supposed to do?

I could never decide which was more trustworthy, the head or the heart, so I threw them both away. But sometimes, they still scream loud, I cannot hear the voice You promised I would know. This is me begging, for slammed doors in my face, for clanging bells attached to the ones You swing open.

When will You come for me?

If these questions have answers, I do not know how to find them. That is why I am bringing them to You. Again. My anxieties, cast on You because You care, because You are strong enough. The questions that overwhelm me will never break You. You are my only option, Abba, the only chance I have. When I remember this, I know I am safe.