(Re)Genesis.

These are the times. When the loneliness stretches--the most profound silence. Stripped down to the ugliest fragments of me. I don't--I don't want to find myself here. I don't want You--(please, anyone but You)--to find me, either. Not here. The guilt and shame like black tar smeared across my unmasked face, my head-hairs--(You once so lovingly counted)--matted with filth. I want to tear--tear them from the roots, fling their strangled bodies--far away from me. Farther still, from You.

Yet.

At the mere whisper of my name, the dam (those long years in the dark, I so carefully, painstakingly, built, so they--so You--could never find, could never see)--shatters, the river of my heart-cry rushing out in a torrent, rushing (spinning, speeding, soaring)--into the ocean of You. This Voice that birthed the universe--(let there be)--in a kaleidoscope of color and light and--vibrations, the heartbeat of the stars--humming in tune, and I cry--I cry with them Glory. 

And You answer: Love, Be.

Dear God,

Less of me, more of You.

Release me from the selfishness that paints me at the center of a broken and lonely universe. I must have more than these petty dreams of self-contentment, self-assurance, self-control, these insubstantial cardboard cut-outs blown over by the wind's softest sigh.

Pull my self out of the realm of my consciousness; fade me into insignificance. Remove my shifting eyes, my stuttering tongue, my trembling hands, my fickle heart, and fill those hollows up with You. Fill to the brim, fill to overflowing. Drench every part, sweet Holy Spirit, the deepest recesses of my being. Wash me, mold me, make me new.

This is not about me. Your plans are so much bigger than that. So much more grand, and beautiful. It is only Your grace, Your marvelous, marvelous grace, that has chosen me to be a thread in this tapestry. And what a masterpiece it is! I look outward, I look upward, into the swirl of color, into the way every strand works together, these atoms of the universe sewn seamlessly as one. When my eyes behold such glory, my self is forgotten, and I have never felt so well.

Keep my eyes fixed, Daddy. Keep my heart enraptured. Only You can save me. Only You can satisfy.